After Hours
by Galaxy's Collide
Summary: How can someone in so much pain feel so much love? How can a life she didn't want mean so much to her now? How did the murder of her family become the pillar of her will? How did Alistair know that what she needed when she broke was him?
1. Chapter 1

****Disclaimer**** _All the character, places and events belong to Bioware. _

_**A.N:** This one was much easier to write than my first attempt, a quick thanks to my fiancee for sharing his "first love" story and how he failed to date the girl since he was too shy. I used it and molded it, and in the end it reminded me of Alistair._

** -- ** --**

"Do you know what this is?"

He held out a single red rose, waving it under her nose. Its sweet fragrance left her light headed and warm. "Well I certainly hope it's not your new choice of weapon," Amelia smiled at him, laughing as he resorted to a joke when he got caught off balance with her response.

"This… I want to give it to you. I picked in Lothering and it just…" Alistair blushed but barreled on, "I thought, 'How can something so beautiful live in a world where darkspawn will soon overrun it'?"

Amelia frowned at him, "not if I can help it, Alistair."

"What? Yes, of course! I'm not giving up or anything. You have to realize this was right after… Duncan's death. I was all angst and depressing, remember?"

"How could I forget?"

"Ouch!" he laughed as she rolled her eyes, "in any case… it reminded me of you."

She stared at him for a second, and then tilted her head, "it reminded you of me… as in, the taint will one day overcome me but its okay because I'm beautiful now?"

Alistair's eyes widened, "No! Oh Maker, I can't do this!"

"Alistair," Amelia hurried after him, putting a hand on his forearm, "I'm sorry. That's my defense mechanism speaking. Make you confused so that you'll hopefully leave. That's… how I work, I suppose. I shouldn't keep you out though. We're in this together." He nodded slowly and she smiled, encouraging him, "I think I understand the sentiment. Thank you."

"No," he whispered, shaking his head, "thank _you_. You haven't had the best time as a Warden and yet you go at it, every single day. No thank you from any of us, just complaining and mostly from me."

Her ears reddened, "you don't have to thank me. It's my duty."

"I want you to have it. If you want it, of course. I wouldn't want to push you to do anything you don't want to do, that wouldn't be very polite of me. So you know what? Just forget I said anything. It was stupid and-"

Amelia sighed heavily, grabbed his cheeks with one head and brought his lips down to hers. Alistair's eyes went wide for a second, and then slowly drifted shut. She could have sworn she heard him sigh, a certain degree of happiness in that sound.

"Um… I was under the impression that the men should be the one to court the woman?" said Alistair hoarsely when she let go of him.

She raised an eyebrow at him as she reached for rose, "I was under the impression that the man didn't know how to take the lead."

"I… not really. You don't get much chance of that in the Chantry."

Amused, she leaned back and looked at him, "you've never kissed a woman?"

He shot her an accusing look, "One. Besides you, I mean. And well… I _thought_ she knew that I liked her, after I kissed her. But all we did was dance around the subject for months. Eventually, she became a real _bitch_ and would only send me dirty looks."

Laughter tickled her throat, "So you courted this poor woman, even kissed her but never asked her out properly. No 'may I take you to dinner', no indication that you wanted to go further than just friendship with her."

"I thought the kiss was indication enough!"

Unable to resist, Amelia let out a laugh, "Oh Alistair. You are so innocent."

"Well, she didn't take the lead either! She could have said something or slapped me or something!"

"Perhaps she was under the impression that the man was supposed to take the lead," laughter still bubbled in her throat, a sound that drove Alistair crazy with emotions. He never would have guessed that a human was able to feel so many things at the same time. He stared at her from under his lashes, and loved the way the fire light played across her skin. She seemed truly happy for a moment, and he wondered if many he had anything to with that.

***

Amelia sneaked out of her tent later that night, walked by Alistair's tent and waited until she heard the even breathing. She smiled at herself, and then hurried to the outer edge of the camp where Morrigan sat by her fire.

Morrigan raised an eyebrow at the approaching woman, saying nothing as she pulled up a log and merely looked into the fire. After a minute of silence, Amelia muttered, "I need your help."

If Morrigan was caught by surprise, Amelia couldn't tell. When the black haired mage nodded slowly, she continued, "Tell me I'm being an idiot. I'm falling for him, Morrigan. I can feel it. He gave me a rose. No one has ever done that for me before."

She spared a glance at the rose in Amelia's hand, her lips curling into a smile. She knew that Amelia had come to her for a reason, the plain fact that she was well aware that Morrigan lived by survival instinct and not foolish emotions. "You are being a complete and utter fool. Does your order not pride itself on duty first? What will happen if Alistair is made King? You shall be cast out. They won't care what happens to you or your heart, and do you think he will challenge them? He is weak; he won't be able to give you what you want. A pillar of strength, is that not what you need?"

Tears swam in Amelia's eyes, but she refused to shed them. Morrigan could see Amelia's jaw lock, take a gulp and look down. She began to cast the rose to the fire, looking up only when Morrigan's hand stopped her. She was smiling, a rare thing for her. "He also brings out the best of you, sickening as it is to watch. You have suffered, that much is true. Yet you have refused to let that shape your life. I think that a bit of that so called joy that man brings you. Are you being a fool? Of course, but for the moment, I suppose it doesn't hurt."

Unsure of what to say to that, Amelia merely nodded. She fingered the rose, thinking of what Alistair had said to her. Finally, she spoke, "I need to ask of yet another favor."

Morrigan laughed softly, "feeling daring today, I see."

"You're not as scary as you make yourself out to be, Morrigan," Amelia chuckled when Morrigan glared at her, "Is there any way you can preserve this?"

The rose again. Morrigan took it gently, running her hands down the petals. In her mind, she could see Alistair bending down and picking it, thinking of what to say and when to say it. "Is this from Lothering?" she asked Amelia, and by the revelation in her eyes concluded that it had indeed begun its journey in Lothering. Almost two months before and yet the rose lived. For a moment, the young foolish girl that Morrigan restricted to herself emerged and she wondered if the rose thrived from Alistair's caring and compassion. She scolded herself quickly; reminding herself that love did not have that kind of power.

Yet as Amelia walked away, smiling to herself, it was not the first time that Morrigan questioned her beliefs.


	2. Chapter 2

****Disclaimer**** All the characters, plots and events belong to BioWare. I just mold them to my liking.

***

It was Amelia's turn to cook.

She hated it, Alistair knew. Not because she had to cook but because she _couldn't_. Having grown up in a castle, she never approached the kitchen unless it was to retrieve her hound from the larder. The first time it had been her day to cook, he had found her with her thumb cut open and a frown on her face. Morrigan had had to do what little healing magic she knew on her, while Alistair joked that at least the food now would have a little bit of flavor.

And yet, she never gave up. He'd found her in a store last time they had been in a village, almost drilling one of the cooks in the shops how to make stews. From another man, she learnt how to make jerky. It was still hard for her –a woman who wielded two daggers with ease- could not use a normal cooking knife with the same finesse.

He kept his distance. Last time he had tried to help, she had snapped that she wasn't a handicap just because she was noble. This time however, he approached her. Earlier that day, as they had approached Redcliffe he had told her of his true parentage. She had been upset that he had hid that from her, and even though he repeated over and over that he had not done it to anger her, she had retreated from him.

She heard him approached, he noted. Her back went stiff, her lips forming a straight line. "I don't want to hear it, your Highness."

"Stop it," Alistair snapped forcefully, sighing, "please don't. This is exactly why I hadn't told you. Everyone changes when they find out who I really am."

"You didn't need to let your blood rule your life," Amelia retorted, throwing down the knife on a log, "you think I don't understand, Alistair. But you're wrong. My life was ruled by the fact that I had to marry well, in an event that Fergus fell before he had any heirs. Believe or not, at one point, King Maric sent a young lad from Antiva to see me. In hopes of marrying to secure peace, I believe. _I did not let that stop me from happiness_." The mabari hound beside her growled at Alistair. "Enough, Caellum. He's not worth it."

"I can't have you mad at me," he whispered hoarsely, "I just can't."

She sighed and wiped her hands on a rag. Taking his face in her hands, she smiled softly, "I am not mad. Disappointed, I think. But I do understand that people change according to where you come from. You did it yourself when you found out I was the last Cousland."

"My birthright is slightly more of a problem than yours."

Amelia nodded thoughtfully, "it can also be a solution."

It took five seconds before it sunk in. "No."

"If it's for the greater good-"

"NO."

She sighed, and returned to her cooking. With her back to him, she could still hear him get up and start his walk back to his tent. "Alistair."

"Yes?"

Instead of pushing the matter, Amelia shook her head, "perhaps it's best to drop the subject for now."

"The subject is closed. Permanently."

_That's what you think_, Amelia thought bitterly.


	3. Chapter 3

****Disclaimer**** All the characters, plots and events belong to BioWare. I just mold them to my liking.

*** **** ****

Leliana walked over to Amelia, a silk robe in her hands. A smile played on her youthful face as she said, "here, I'd like you to have this."

Amelia looked up, surprise written in the way her lip curled, "What is it?"

"I found it in Marjolaine's apartment after we…" she drifted off as her throat closed, "it's what nobles wear here. I know you miss the fine things, just as I do. And while we're at camp, what is the harm of looking pretty and comfortable?"

Her will –already weak- faltered, "I'll try it on, just for a second."

*

Dressed in a gown and glowing with happiness, Amelia stood at the center of the camp, twirling around while Leliana gushed with compliments. Alistair felt rooted to the spot, realizing that it was the first time she had really let down her shield. He loved watching her smile and laugh, obviously having fun. He put the wood he had found in the forest down, and walked towards her slowly.

He heard her, even when he was still far. _She has the ears of a hound_, he thought. "You look beautiful."

Amelia tugged at the dressed a bit, feeling naked in a dress that had no armor. "Thank you, Alistair."

Alistair saw Leliana slip away, sending him a smile. He approached her, sighing when she took a step back. "It's a dress, Amelia. And it's not going to kill you to be happy that you look stunning in it still."

"It could kill me if darkspawn decided to attack right now and they grabbed me and stabbed me. With my armor at least, I'd have some protection. How stupid of me, this was a horrible idea-"

He laughed as she turned red, trying to lift up her skirt so she could run quicker to her tent. Grabbing her wrist, he shot her a smile when she glared at him.

It was he who initiated the kiss this time, she marveled. It brought her a certain pleasure that she would be childish to deny. She sunk into him, melting against the feeling of freedom.

Alistair noticed the change in her. Felt the surrender of someone who couldn't hold up their shield any longer. He let go of her and in her eyes, saw a vulnerable woman unsure of what to do next. "That wasn't too soon, was it?" He asked softly.

Amelia smiled at him, tucking a lock of brown hair behind her ear, "we've kissed before, Alistair."

"Yes but I have taken the lead? I think not. You, my dear lady, ambushed me with that kiss. I, being the perfect gentleman, would have waited until now to have moved forward."

She laughed, burying her face in his chest when she heard Wynne chuckle behind her. "You know, I never thought I'd be dating a gentleman."

"Dating?" Alistair raised his eyebrows.

Eyes narrowed, she said quickly, "you heard me. I'm not going to be like that poor woman you courted and never progressed to anything. You and me, we're a duo now."

His heart warmed at the words, looking down at her and seeing the determination written in her face. "You know," he murmured, "I rather like the sound of that."

* ** *

Laughter floated through the campground. They all sat in a circle, sharing stories and songs. Morrigan, as usual, had taken her bowl of smuck and walked to her tent. Leliana sent Amelia a glance, which the rogue replied with a simple shrug that said, "let her be, she's happier that way." She couldn't understand how Morrigan could stay far away from them when even Sten sat with them. They didn't reek of blood and dirt; Amelia made them wash up as much as possible whenever the opportunity presented itself. She'd even gone to the great length of heating up water in a kettle by the fire so that they could have warm water to wash their faces. Leliana had been grateful at the little luxury Amelia had provided.

"Alistair, can I speak to you?"

He turned to Wynne, smiling sweetly, "Anything for my favorest mage ever!"

Wynne tucked her tongue to her cheek, and continued, "now that you and our fearless leader are all but joined at the hip, I think it's time you knew where babies _really_ come from."

Alistair frowned at her, his food forgotten in his bowl, "What?"

"I know that the Chantry teaches that you dream about a baby and the good Fade spirits take them out of the Fade and leave them in your arms. But that's not true. Actually, what happens is when a girl and a boy really love each other-"

"Andraste's flaming sword, I **know** where babies come from!" Alistair cried out, glaring at her indignantly.

"Do you?" Wynne asked him, her voice full of concern, "do you _really_?"

"I certainly hope so!" He sent Amelia a pleading look, blushing furiously.

Wynne reached over to smooth his hair, "Oh, all right then. Aww, look: you're all red and mottled. How cute."

Amelia burst out laughing as Alistair pulled away from Wynne, "you did that on purpose!"

"Now now Alistair. Why would I do something like that?"

He sniffed indignantly, "because you're wicked. That frail old lady act? I'm SO not fooled by it."

"Oh, I don't think I can pair up frail and Wynne in the same sentence," Amelia chuckled, biting into her meat.

"How about you, Amelia?" Leliana grinned, "do you know where babies come from?"

Alistair rolled his eyes as the younger women laughed. Wynne joined in, setting her gaze on Alistair, "you're far too young to be thinking about babies, dear."

Amelia's eyes light up, "Of course I'm not! I've lived through twenty summers, Wynne. I'm at the perfect birthing stage."

"You want children?" Leliana smiled fondly at her friend.

"More than anything."

"And you think Alistair is good family making material?" Wynne asked.

She spared her fellow Grey Warden a glance, "what makes you think I'm thinking of settleing down with him?" At the laughter and teasing of Wynne and Leliana, Amelia laughed heartily, "Yes. I think he would make a great father to our children."

** ** ** ** **

Leliana waited until sleep settled over the camp before walking out her tent. Quietly, she slipped into Alistair's tent and glared down at him until he began to stir.

"Maker!" he yelped as he realized that she was in his tent, "Leliana what in the Maker's name are you doing!?"

"Children."

"WHAT!?"

She sighed, exasperated, "When Amelia said you would make a great father – Maker knows why- you looked mighty guilty of something. What are you hiding from her, Alistair?"

He squirmed uncomfortably, "I can't tell you."

Hissing, she flew at him angrily. He blocked her, pinning her to the ground. "Stop!" He commanded when Leliana continued to wither against his hold.

Leliana froze, glaring up at him, "Let me up, you idiot. I have no intention of hurting you. She needs you to end the Blight. I wouldn't doom us just because I can't stand you at the moment."

He hesistated, allowing her to sit up. "I wish I could tell you."

She shrugged, "You can't tell me, that I understand. But I am assuming this has to do with being a Grey Warden, yes?" At his nod, she continued, "Is it that there will always be a threat of a Blight so you can't dedicate yourself to a family?"

"While that **should** be a reason for a Grey Warden to not have children, no. It's not the reason. Even if you guess it –which you won't – I won't say if you're correct or not. I can't."

"Fair enough. I am not a Grey Warden, nor do I wish to be one. I am content to just follow you along. What is not fair is the fact that Amelia _is_ a Grey Warden and she has it set in her mind that once this is all over, she will settle down with you and start a family. Can you imagine her disappointment when you make love to her, night after night, and yet no child is produced? She will declare herself barren –but for all the wrong reasons."

"I can't… I can't break her heart like that."

Leliana looked away, a flash of sadness in her eyes, "You don't understand how lucky you are to have her."

He understood the wistfulness in her voice. "You love her."

A statement, not a question. "Very much so. But she loves you. Which is why it is your duty to tell her."

"I can't."

Her eyes narrowed, "Let me make this clear. If you don't, then _I_ will."

Alistair rolled his eyes, "Please, do you honestly think you can threaten me and- Leliana!" he scrambled out of his tent, eyes widening as she made her way quietly to Amelia's tent.

"Leliana… wha-"

Alistair grabbed Leliana by the elbow, pulling her away from Amelia. He poked his head into her tent, feeling his face grow hot as he realized she wore only her undergarments. Sleep was written all over her face, "I'll be right back, love." He pushed Leliana away, glaring at her angrily.

"I know you think I'm crazy, what with my vision and what have you. But I am also _loyal_," she spat. She turned around and without saying anything further, hurried back to her tent.

"Alistair?"

He closed his eyes for a second, praying to the Maker for guidance. To him, having children had been a wishful thing. For Amelia, he knew it was a need. "Love… we need to talk. Let's take a walk?"

She nodded slowly, recognizing the tone in his words. As if she was a small child, and he was trying to break a fall. She slipped into her armor, frowning when he laughed as she reached for her weapons, "Are they not needed?" Amelia asked politely. When he shook his head, she only sighed and left them.

"We… need to talk."

Amelia raised an eyebrow, "you've stated that. What's going on, Alistair."

"I don't know how to say this… today, at supper, you told Wynne that you thought I'd make a good father-"

She grinned, "Oh Alistair. I love you."

"What?"

"You're worried that we're moving too fast. We haven't even slept together and I'm already talking about us forming a family. How stupid of me. I don't want to have children, Alistair."

He blinked, confused. "Really?"

"Yes, really! We have the Archdemon to think about. The blight. A civil war. Rebuilding the Grey Wardens. I get it. We're going to be busy."

"Oh thank the Maker-"

"You silly person. All of that family making fun can wait until later if we're still together. We don't have to worry about all that now. We can worry about our four children later."

"Four children!" He cried then shook his head, "Amelia, I don't think we're going to have one at all."

She smile warmly, "You're being pessimistic. You said it yourself awhile back; we'll have time to settle down and live peacefully after this is all done."

Alistair groaned, "Oh love… I'm so sorry. Truly."

Amelia stopped smiling, looking at him wearily and seeing the regret in his eyes, "Alistair?"

"We'll be able to settle down somewhere. But Amelia… having children might not be in the cards for us."

She began to hyperventilate, "This is going to end someday. We're not always going to be Grey Wardens. Someday, we'll become Amelia and Alistair again."

"You're right."

"So?"

He moved towards her, sighing when she backed away, "when we go through the Ritual, we take in the taint. The Grey Wardens I knew that had children had them before they Joined. I've never met a Warden who had a child after the Joining. As far as I know, it's possible. But _two_ Grey Wardens trying to conceive…"

When she began fall forward, he caught her. Sobs ripped through her body, leaving her breathless. Alistair shut her eyes, drawing her close. She let out a scream so raw it sounded animalistic. The sound of a woman who had given up another part of her soul without having a say in the matter.


	4. Chapter 4

** ** ** **

Alistair had worried for Amelia in the days that followed. She'd made no mention of their talk after that night, and he grew frightened to speak to her of it. He wanted to ask her what had changed, for surely, her future was now different. Was he still in it, he wondered? Or would she find a man that would give her a slightly higher chance of being a mother? The thought alone had his heart beating fast.

"We'll be passing by Denerim. Does anyone need to go into the city for anything before we go by it?" Amelia called out as they packed up their camp.

He aproched her, nodding, "I'd like to stop by, if we could. I don't know if I've ever told you-"

"Oh wonderful. Another secret," she snorted, crossing her arms.

"This one doesn't affect you in the slightess. I promise. In fact, forget I ever said anything."

She'd wounded him. Amelia recognized the signs, the way he began to retreat from her, "What's in Denerim, Alistair? Is this the former almost lover?"

The question had the effect she had hoped. He blushed, shaking his head, "of course not! No! You'd think I'd take you to see… no! It's my sister."

"Did Maric have _another_ illegimate child?!" Amelia asked, curiosity dripping from her words.

"Erm… no. My mother's daughter. King Maric had nothing to do with…. Anyways, she lives in Denerim and I was wondering if we could stop by and say…"

Amelia nodded, "You've never contacted her before, have you?"

"No… I thought that maybe I could warn her of the Blight, do **something** for her before it's too late. She's the only family I have, and I'd feel awful if something happened to her and I didn't warn her."

She nodded, thinking of Fergus. Deep down, she knew he was alive. Amelia avoided the subject vigorously, saying little when anyone questioned her past. Sometimes, she'd lie awake and count her heartbeat, almost sure it was saying _Fer…gus…_When they had been younger, Fergus had made a prick in her finger and in his, smearing their blood together. Amelia had thought it a stupid idea, knowing that they already shared the same blood because of their parents. "This is a promise," he had said stubbornly, "that no matter what happens, we'll always look after each other."

Her stomach twisted at the memory, the eagerness in his eyes and the power in their vow. "We can stop by her house, Alistair. Perhaps you'll find…"

She broke off, her eyes eerily blank. Without another word, she turned on her heel and walked away, calling out commands to the group. Alistair groaned as he realized what he had asked of her: searching for his sister when he and Morrigan had cruelly denied her pleas to look for her brother.

**

"Wait, I think this is it. Yes, that's the address," Alistair breathed as they walked by a Denerim house, "Do you think we can go inside?"

"Don't you want to do this on your own?" Amelia asked, trying to peek into the house.

"No. Please, I need you with me. Do you even think she'll know who I am? My sister. Siiister," he giggled nervously, wringing his hands, "Maybe we should just forget about this? Yeah. Let's do that. Let's just forget it and go."

Amelia rolled her eyes good naturely, "The only place we're going to go is into your sister's home. Now let's go in there." She knocked the door, smiling at Alistair as a faint "come in" greeted them.

She could barely see the similarities between Alistair and his half sister. While Alistair's eyes sparkled with laughter and happiness, hers were sharp and cold.

"Erm, no. I'm not here to get my clothes washed –"

"Actually, we could use some clothes washed," Amelia told Alistair, sighing when he shot her a look.

"Are you Goldanna?" He continued, "if so, then I guess that makes me your brother."

The dirty blonde haired woman narrowed her eyes, "My what? I'm Goldanna, yes. How do you know my name? What kind of tomfoolery are you folk up to?"

"Maybe I should wait outside," Amelia mumbled, starting to retreat and only pausing when Alistair grabbed her hand.

"No! Please, stay. I can't do this alone," shaking slightly, he turned back to Goldanna, "look… our mother was a servant girl at Redcliffe Castle when she died, I'm not sure if you know about that-"

"YOU!" Goldanna's eyes flashed angrily, "I knew it! They told me the babe had died along with Mother, but I didn't believe them!"

Alistair blinked, "They told you I was dead? Who told you that?"

"Thems at the castle! I kept telling them the babe was the kings but they never listened. Gave me a coin to shut my mouth and sent me on my way."

"I… didn't know that. The babe didn't die, I'm him."

Goldanna scoffed angrily, "A lot of good that does me. That coin didn't last long and when I tried to go back they beat me away. I knew I should have told everyone!"

Unable to stand the look of shock on Alistair's face, Amelia spoke up, "Goldanna, Alistair came here looking for a family."

"And who's this? Some tart following after your riches, I suppose."

"Hey! Don't talk to her like that. She's my…friend and a Grey Warden too, just like me!" Alistair snapped at his sister.

"A Prince and a Grey Warden too. Well who am I to talk to someone so high and mighty," Goldanna snarled at Alistair, her lip curling viciously, "I don't _know _you, boy. Your royal father **forced** himself on my mother, and what do I have to show for it? Nothing unless you're going to help me feed five mouths."

"Someone should cut off that tongue of yours!" Amelia hissed, her hand inching to her dagger.

"No. Just let's go, it's her house," Alistair sighed, shooting Goldanna a look. "Love, please-"

"So more than a friend. Hoping you'll bear his noble spawn? Even if he does fill you up, he'll leave you high and dry like his father left my mother."

Amelia let out a growl, taking a step forward. Alistair grabbed her arm, holding her back, "You respect her, Goldanna. She's a Cousland."

Goldanna let out a laugh, "and that's supposed to scare me, is it? Everyone knows that the Couslands are done for. Howe turned his troops on him after they tried to kill him, the traitorous bastards."

"That's it!" Amelia yelled angrily, launching herself at Goldanna.

"Momma?"

"Get back into your rooms, you snot!" Goldanna snarled at the young girl peering at Amelia, her eyes frozen in fear at the sight of her dagger.

"Momma, is she going to hurt you?"

Defeated, Amelia shoved back her dagger into the holster, "I'm not. Your mother is not worth my time."

Alistair stayed rooted to the spot. Amelia walked past him, and outside. A second later her scent reached him, snapping him out of it. Goldanna was still glaring at him, even as he pulled out a pouch with some gold in it. She snorted, "Pity cash?"

Hate rose to his throat, and before he could say something he regretted he fled from his sister's home.

** **

"Well…that went well."

Amelia looked up at Alistair as he closed the door to Goldanna's behind him. Sighing, she stood up, "Are you okay?"

"I'm just dazed, I guess… that's the family I couldn't wait to meet? That evil, money hungry woman is my sister?" Alistair frowned, "I was hoping she'd welcome with open arms. Isn't that what a family is supposed to do?"

Ignoring the ache in her heart, she looked at him sternly, "Everyone is out for themselves, Alistair. You'll do well to remember that."

He watched, slightly stunned by the bluntness in her voice. As she walked away from him, he tried to fight the feeling that she was right. Only when despair overwhelmed him, did he realize she was right.

*****


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Not smut but lots of lovey dovey stuff. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Amelia and Alistair kept watch at night, shivering in their clothing as the cool Ferelden night touched their bones. She glanced at him casually, blinking when she found him staring. Embarrassed, she turned away, trying to ignore his eyes on her. "Is there something you want," she snapped, "or do you just enjoy bugging me?"

He grinned, "You're beautiful."

Amelia raised an eyebrow, "Am I now?"

"Mhmm," he moved to her, "I don't know how to say this."

"No more secrets," she snapped quickly, her eyes flashing viciously.

"No more, love. This is just something you need to hear." He waited until she nodded then smiled softly, "being around you makes me act silly and foolish. No," he put a finger over her mouth and shook his head, "let me finish or I might not be able to say it at all… As I was saying, I act the fool and every time I'm around you I feel like my head is about to explode and I can't think straight."

Amelia felt her face grow hot and her heart beat faster, "That's… very sweet?"

He took a deep breath, hoping the words would come out right. He could already feel her retreating, going back into that defensive shield she kept herself in. "Here's the thing: being near you makes me _**crazy**_, but I can't imagine being without you. Not ever. I don't know how to say this any other way…"

"Alistair?" she breathed when he stopped, reaching to touch his cheek.

He nuzzled her hand, murmuring, "I want to spend the night with you, here at camp. Maybe this is too fast, I don't know… but I know what I feel."

Amelia bit her tongue, wanting to say that it wasn't fast at all. They had talked about past, present and future. They had talked about their childhoods and about the children they both knew they would never have. They saw a future together, and the fool thought they were going too fast. Warmth filled her, but she reminded herself that this was Alistair. He walked at a different pace than her; walked along cautiously while she ran and barreled through. "You want to spend the night? Are you sure?"

"I wanted to wait for the perfect moment," he whispered desperately, "but when will life ever be perfect? Amelia, if life were perfect you and I would have never met."

His words chilled her, making her realize how true that was. "Things happen for a reason, Alistair."

He nodded in agreement, "we sort of stumbled into each other, and despite these last couple of months being the least perfect time, I found myself falling for you in between the fighting and everything else. I… I really don't want to wait anymore. I've never done this, as you know. I want it to be with you, while we still have the chance. In case…"

"Stop," it was her turn to silence him, "don't talk like that. You and I will be alive after all this is over. There will always be time later."

"But-"

"Will you let me finish or do I have to silence you by force, Alistair?" she snapped angrily at his sheepish grin, "that being said, you don't have to say anything else because I agree. Life isn't perfect. This can be, we can make it just as good as perfect. You've never done this before and I want to be your first. I want you to remember my skin and smell my scent. If anything should happen, I want this night to be with you forever. I want to make this perfect. For you, Alistair."

He had to swallow back the knot of emotion in his throat. His lips met hers, and it was like he was kissing her for the first time. With ease, he led her back to his tent and let her take the lead.

She tried to be gentle, to touch him as loving as Alistair deserved. When he took the lead, she happily gave it to him and began to enjoy the side of love he had never shown her before.

He propped his head on his hand, looking down on Amelia and smiling. She had fallen asleep shortly after they had made love, and he found this side of her sweet and fragile. It made her look vulnerable, like he had to protect her.

Her eyes fluttered open, a smile warming her lips, "hello, handsome."

Alistair grinned, "thank you, for that. For tonight… Amelia, you're the first woman I've ever been with. And if I can manage it, you'll be the last."

Emotion clogged her throat, "I'll hold you to that." She found herself leaning over him, this time taking the lead herself and not relinquishing it when he began to take it. "This round, you're mine."

All he could do was grin.


End file.
